I’m officially full-term, meaning the baby could arrive safely any day now! This means I’ve got my suitcase packed for the birth center and a playlist ready with songs like I will survive by Gloria Gaynor and Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks. It also means that it’s nearly impossible to think about anything else, even during Bachelor night, my favorite night of the week.
For several seasons now, we’ve been gathering with friends to bask in the drama of these epic journeys of love. Because we’re such a sensitive crowd, we’ve turned each episode into a drinking game—take a sip of beer (or tea in my case) each time a contestant says our agreed upon phrases like “open my heart” and “here for the right reasons.” It’s all we can do to stop from tearing up as one lingerie model after another describes her failed attempts at love.
This week I was having an especially hard time focusing, even during the group date where the women were asked to act out various animals in front of a group of fourth graders. As I sat trying to concentrate, Tofurkey was clearly enjoying himself, showing off for the “V.I.P Cocktail Waitress” with his best karate kicks. I pictured his legs flailing away while his little head remained steady, tucked deep down in perfect position according to our midwives. He hadn’t “dropped” yet but he was certainly getting ready.
By the end of the episode my imagination was running wild. We had had our first birth class the weekend before where we learned things like the hands-and-knees-position is helpful for back pain and that shit happens (literally for most women in labor). After class, the midwives had sent us home feeling more confident and with new knowledge of things like “elevator Keigels” and “mucus plug.”
The idea that I would be giving birth soon was so electrifying that tonight, even as I watched the Bachelor, I couldn’t get my mind off of it. So during the rose ceremony, as Ben the Bachelor stepped forward, I felt a special rush of excitement. Then my head started spinning with so much anticipation, I nearly lost it and blurted out, “My water just broke!”
But it hadn’t and probably wouldn’t for several more weeks. So I contained myself. And instead of sending out a false alarm, I cheered for Ben—a little louder than usual—and wondered What if it started right now, during this ultimate moment of love and suspense? It would certainly be an episode of the Bachelor that I would never, ever forget!
Me at 37 weeks excited for Bachelor night…and my baby!